We always say “I’m fine thanks” but why aren’t we more honest? Is it the British stiff upper lip? Is it that we are too embarrassed to tell the truth? I think if we were a little more honest then we would get a lot more out of our friendships and relationships.
I didn’t tell some of my closest friends for weeks about my separation. In fact, I still haven’t told all my friends. Largely this is due to covid and not seeing some of them since 2019, but also, I was embarrassed to admit everything wasn’t okay and my world had crumbled.
I’ve spoken to some mates on WhatsApp or Messenger but it’s not easy to tell in one message. You can’t really say “Hey, how are you? I haven’t spoken to you in over a year. Oh, by the way, my marriage ended!”. This means that some may not find out until they get a Christmas card, which I feel guilty about.
If somebody asks me now, “how are you?”, I can truthfully answer “I’m good” but if we chat for any longer then I do give them a brief update. And I see pity, understanding, concern but quite often respect that I have been able to tell them the truth. After the years we’ve had recently, I think we all appreciate some honesty.
So next time someone asks you “how are you?”, consider replying with something other than “fine thanks, and you?” and see what reaction you get. You might genuinely be fine but the person you are speaking to might really need to talk about their family or work or how they are struggling. And if you can be brave enough to share your current situation, it might give them the courage they need to reach out too.
You might have a really great conversation about a topic other than the weather/Covid/Brexit. And if you don’t at least you were honest.
We’ve all heard the saying It’s okay not to be okay but if no one really asks each other then how are you meant to admit it?
*Guest Blog by our beautiful friend who wishes to remain anonymous.
You Go Girl!
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