A fundamental aspect of this is building their confidence, but confidence isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about equipping children with the self-belief to tackle challenges, express their opinions and bounce back from the setbacks that they will inevitably face.
From the moment our little ones take their first steps, we know the importance of praise and positive reinforcement; but how do we ensure it develops a child’s self-confidence, rather than giving praise that results in a pressure to perform? As both a mother and an educator, I’d like to share three simple (yet not always easy-to-apply) tips for achieving this goal. Over the years, I have implemented these strategies in the classroom, and now I’m committed to incorporating them into my parenting journey as well.
Teaching children that their abilities and intelligence are not fixed but can be developed through effort and learning is how to promote a growth mindset. This mindset is important to help children (and adults) find solutions, have patience with themselves and overcome challenge. Research has shown that ‘intelligence praise’ (e.g., “You’re such a great footballer!”) results in children being less likely to take on further challenge than effort-based praise (e.g., “I noticed you spent a lot of time painting that cat.”).
I have to say, I have found this one harder to do at home than at school – the temptation to squeal “Clever girl!” at every new word or milestone has been strong. I know that this specific and effort-based approach to praise fosters self-motivation and personal responsibility and so it’s something I’m going to work hard to do.
For many years, my default as a teacher was to offer my thoughts on a child’s work. After all, I’m the teacher, right? I would say things like, “I really like how you’ve [insert praise here]” or “My favourite part is…”. But after doing some research, I changed my approach. Now, whenever a child shares a piece of their learning, I always start by asking them what they like about it. Whether it’s a Year 6 pupil with a short story or a reception child with an original painting, this simple act places the importance of critique on them. It communicates that we value their opinion and helps them understand that what they think truly matters.
The resulting conversation is often surprising and usually takes a more interesting turn. Children tell you things about their work that only they know – “I’ve only used colours that start with the letter ‘P’. This opens the opportunity to praise their process rather than just the outcome, further enabling both specific, effort-based praise and validation of their opinion.
Whether you’re a teacher or parent, your own self-confidence is a powerful role model. Children learn through observation and imitation. When they see positive examples of self-confidence in adults or older peers, they are more likely to adopt similar behaviours and attitudes.
Research around self-efficacy (which is a person’s belief in their own ability to perform tasks and achieve goals) finds that there is a significant impact of self-efficacy on academic performance. Children with higher self-efficacy are more likely to set challenging goals, persevere through difficulties, and ultimately succeed in their academic endeavours. This self-belief can be learnt through modelled behaviour from the adults around them.
Both parents and teachers are much more likely to praise their children than to praise themselves, but if we want them to build self-confidence, we must first demonstrate ours.
Building confidence is not a milestone but a continuous process, and by embracing specific praise, encouraging children to have opinions, and modelling self-confidence, we lay the foundation for resilient, brave individuals ready to face life’s challenges.
Hannah McNamara
Headteacher, Coppice Valley
*Sponsored Blog
If you want to know more, here are research references for the points above:
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
Blackwell, L. S., Trzesniewski, K. H., & Dweck, C. S. (2007). Implicit theories of intelligence predict achievement across an adolescent transition: A longitudinal study and an intervention. Child Development, 78(1), 246-263.
Pajares, F., & Schunk, D. H. (2001). Self-beliefs and school success: Self-efficacy, self-concept, and school achievement. In R. Riding & S. Rayner (Eds.), International Perspectives on Individual Differences (Vol. 1, pp. 239-265). Psychology Press.
