Many potential foster carers wonder about the effect fostering will have on their own families, so as part of Children of Foster Carers Month, North Yorkshire Council is highlighting the benefits.
Four North Yorkshire women who were the children of foster carers have spoken out about the experience and the impact of growing up with foster children.
Abigail Burns (48) was introduced to fostering when she was 7 years old. She said: ”I still hold special memories from those times. Our first fostering placement was for a little girl of 2 – in fact, Kay arrived just the day before her second birthday. I was so excited – I referred to her as ‘mine’ from that point on!
“We had visited Kay where she lived with her short term foster family several times. The family were unable to continue fostering her as they were due to have another child of their own. On our last visit to them, there was a birthday party for Kay, and then afterwards she came home with us. I adored her from the very beginning and luckily we were able to turn that foster placement in to adoption. I had a sister at the grand old age of 10, she was tiny, blonde and blue eyed. I felt the need to love and protect her straight away.
“Over the years, my parents continued to offer sleepovers, short and long term foster placements. We had many children who came to us on a short term sleepover basis. I remember some amazing sleepovers with our bedroom full of girls of different ages and the joy on their faces as they arrived and I greeted them.
“Fostering is not always easy – some of the children who come through your door may be struggling, upset, and have experienced difficult times and situations. If you can work with and help them through the emotionally difficult times, then you can impact a child’s life massively – and you can certainly impact on your own family, too.
“When I hit my early teens I did share with my parents that I had felt some jealousy at having to share them. However, I did get over that and would not change my family life in any way as overall the experience has been so overwhelmingly positive.
“My parents ensured that we were always involved in any decision making. We had a very open relationship where we able to share our thoughts and feelings with no worries about being dismissed or told off for anything we were feeling. I have learnt to be patient, to be compassionate and to understand that not everyone had what I had. My skills in dealing with people and being empathetic come from this time in my life.
“Children who were displaced, who were in need of love and attention, made me realise the importance of the kind word, a hug and the giving of your time. As we grew up my sister and I would occasionally see some of the children that my parents had fostered and they often shared with us how much they had felt welcome and loved in our home and how they wished they could have been brought up with us as a family.
“I have benefited so much from having a sibling and foster siblings, my ability to interact with people is enhanced because of the experience I gained interacting with the children who came to stay with us.
“My current career is based on the negotiating and problem-solving skills that I developed as being part of a fostering family. Previous roles were also based around caring, empathy, understanding and, importantly, helping others to reach their full potential.
“Now, as an adult, I have a sister and 2 nieces that I adore – thanks to having parents who wished to foster and adopt – and in doing so, provided me with such inspirational role models for life.”
Victoria Heaton (41) grew up with a foster child for four years. She added: “Growing up with a foster sister was an experience that has shaped the person I have grown up to be. The smallest acts of kindness such as sharing my toys or reading a story together meant the world to my foster sister, who had only ever known abuse. For four years we provided a safe and loving home for her before she went on to be adopted. To know we were a small step on a journey to a better life just by welcoming her into our lives for a short time is truly humbling and goes to show the huge impact we can make to someone’s life.”
Jaelithe Leigh-Brown (45) added: “My parents started fostering when I was 10. We offered emergency cover and had babies and toddlers for weekends. I adored looking after them and would cry when we had to say goodbye as I knew we had so much love and care to give them. Then, we got a brother and sister who were the same age as me and my brother. They stayed with us for two years. We grew so close to them and got on well, building dens in the wood, swapping magazines and playing chase in the street. My parents laugh now that they had to count peas when dishing out the tea, so we all felt we got an equal portion!
“I was aware of some of the difficulties the siblings had, and the social workers were great. They talked to us and them we would do some of the activities together to help them through the trauma. They still keep in touch with us now and come to my parents for advice and support. Growing up with foster children has ensured I have lots of empathy, patience and understanding. I always want to help others and want to see everyone succeed. It also made me grateful for the family I have who have nothing to give but love and kindness.”
Jess Simpson (25) explained: “I found teenagers the most difficult part of fostering. This is because it’s always difficult when you have another person living in your house, sometimes being rude to your parent who you know deserves nothing but a gold medal.
“I just had to remind myself all the things they might have been through and if that was me, I’d be exactly the same. The teenage girl we do regular sleepovers for has become part of our family. She has changed so much since we have known her – it’s still so rewarding knowing that you helped someone become the best version of themselves just by showing kindness, and definitely lots of patience!”
Fostering North Yorkshire is in need of foster carers right now to provide a loving home and support for children in care. There are opportunities to offer regular planned sleepovers, emergency cover, short term care or long-term care. Fostering North Yorkshire’s friendly team works with their foster carers to find the best fit for them.
Between now and 31 Dec’23, newly approved foster carers are offered a £500 ‘golden hello’ payment. Anyone interested in fostering can visit our website for more information.
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